what was i thinking?

my dad passed away nearly 10 months ago. just typing that 10 seems so unreal. it was, in part, my dad passing away that prompted me to even start thinking about doing this as a career. i still remember the day the idea was presented to me. and it happened in the most peculiar way.

in the days that followed my dads death, there were many arrangements that obviously needed to be attended to. when we were in the show room looking at urns, my older sister pointed out the keepsakes. i was all over it! i think that out of my sisters, i am most definitely the most sentimental. my middle sister i think would (as it always has with the middle child) come in in a close second on the sentimentality scale. my older sister, well, she couldn't care less (sorry sis). but i digress.

when i saw the keepsakes, i knew right away that i needed one. i have no problem saying that when it comes to spending money, i need a lot of things but this, i NEEDED (i am not above using caps, and it is right here for the blogging world to see). i was a daddy's girl and this was the one thing that i needed to make that first step into living a life without him. 

this is literally the most important thing i own! 

 i will always have my dad close to my heart

but it was in the office at the funeral home when the director forgot to get my mom to sign for the remains, that i said that i could do this! and that was pretty much it. that was the moment that changed my life. it wasn't just the purchase of the keepsake that would shape the rest of my life, but it was also how we were treated. it wasn't like we were just another family. it was like we were the only family.

and that was pretty much it.

in the months that have passed since dad died, there have been more than one occasion when i've broken down and cried myself to sleep, physically feeling my heart breaking b/c i missed him so much. as much as i can literally feel my heart break some days, i know that that is what will make me do the best i can for others who will inevitably feel the same heartbreak.