are you team Edward or team Jacob? FINALLY! a serious and important question. sadly I cannot share such private feelings!
just to put you out of your misery, i'm on team dracula!
i have a few issues with the twilight series. and if you will not begrudge me, i will share them with you now. starting with the werewolves. i know that every tween, teen, pre and post menopausal woman out there will most likely disagree with me but those werewolves on twilight are FRICKIN GIANT!!! i think the reason they are that abnormally large is b/c they have eaten so many whimpy, sparkly, non-bursting-into-flames-when-they-are-i
i do however have to give props where props are due. i'm so glad that the evil vampires in twilight were easily distinguished by their red eyes. b/c i never would have been able to see the inherent evil that IS a vampire without them. THANK YOU stephanie meyer for making things so clear to me.
for the record, i could care less that Twilight Eclipse has been smashing box office records since it opened. what i DO care about is that i've been sickly pale long before it was cool and have been getting nothing but flack for the care that i take for my skin. true, i'm not all sparkly and junk, but come on now, i got the pale and sickly in the bag.
there are 3 more things i think truely need to be clarified here. i think edward looks like the slap-chop guy who punched that tranny hooker; jacob looks like shark-boy ate a little too much kelp; and bella is as exciting as me using sandpaper to scratch the misquito bite on my butt! hey, I WANT A SLAP-CHOP! safe for fingers! i am not a paid spokesperson. i should be. i'm way better than that dude who punched that tranny hooker. let me clarify: i'm better than ANYONE who's punched a hooker. i punched a guy once. because he thought I was a hooker. swear to God! he was dragging me down a hallway in a hotel and i punched him. it was 1995.
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