daddy's birthday

so today is my dad's birthday. for those of you who don't know, my dad died almost a year ago. well it will be a year on december 1. i remember so clearly what happened a year ago on my dads last birthday. looking back, i can still see him smirking at me.

my dad had just had his surgery to remove his colon and the doctors were not very optimistic about his recovery. they really didn't give him much of a chance, but considering all he'd been through, all of us were bracing ourselves for the inevitable.

but it was on his birthday that he opened his eyes. for 5 days he was unconscious and making very little progress in recovering from his surgery. i remember walking into the ICU to see my dad looking at me! it wasn't for very long, but he saw me! it gave me so much hope that all his troubles would finally be over.

once he woke up, the doctors were more willing to give us a positive prognosis. and it was a few days after that that dad was moved out of the ICU.

but i still remember the feeling i had when i saw my dad looking at me after thinking that i may never look into his eyes again. i remember leaning over and wishing him a happy birthday. with all the breathing tubes and other things sticking out of him, i remember him looking up at me with the slightest twinkle in his eye. there was no celebration, no singing, no candles or gifts. just a simple birthday wish and little smile.

dad never wanted anything on his birthday. our love and affection was all he said he ever wanted. although there was nothing really that we did to honour his birthday, we definitely celebrated.

looking back today, i kind of wish we had done a little more seeing as it was his last birthday. but there was no way of knowing that then. there are still times when i feel like i should have spent more time with him, especially in that last month. but the time we spent together were priceless moments that i wouldn't trade for anything in the world... except maybe having him back with me.

tonight my mom, my older sister, her husband and their kids and i, went out for supper to make sure we did something together as a family (i wish my middle sister was closer so that we all could have been together today). i took my 4 year old nephew to wash his hands and told him that today was grandpas birthday and that that is why we were all out for supper. this was his response, well he won't get any presents because he's dead... heehee! such a childlike answer and interpretation of how life should be. there isn't anything wrong with being dead, it just sucks that you don't get any presents!